Embracing Connection: Rethinking Hyper-Individualisation in Healing and Growth

"We cannot live only for ourselves. A thousand fibres connect us with our fellow men." ~ Herman Melville

Modern capitalist cultures place a strong emphasis on individualism. We're often told that being independent and handling things on our own is the epitome of being a capable human being. As someone who's been a recovering perfectionist and a long-standing lone wolf, I can see how I've internalised these messages - since the age of 3, I've been proudly announcing that I can do things all by myself.

But here's the thing I've come to realise: if you're a perfectionist, it's not a character flaw. It's a symptom of a broader systemic issue. We live in societies that promote the idea that asking for help equates to freeloading or laziness, and this belief isn't unique to just a few individuals. Perfectionism is a shared experience, and we're all in this together.

The Myth of Individual Healing

In the world of personal development and self-help, the focus often lies heavily on individual healing. We're encouraged to meditate in solitude, journal alone, and attend yoga classes without engaging in conversations. All this, in pursuit of becoming 'better' people. The pursuit of self-improvement can be all-encompassing. But is that the only path to growth and self-discovery?

I've come to understand that, sometimes, the real magic happens when we re-learn in connection with others. It's about acknowledging that we don't have all the answers, nor can we see all the problems. I've discovered that many of my personal growth and development moments have relied on connecting with others. Like last week, on a course that I'm taking with my teacher Rachel Blackman, where I had been struggling away on my own between calls. I must be doing it wrong was the all-too-familiar narrative. But sharing my experience with the group, and hearing that other people were having similar challenges, opened up a new avenue of sense-making that hadn't been available to me on my own. I needed to talk about it. I needed to hear other people's perspectives and experiences to make sense of my own.

Embracing Our Interdependence

I've always prided myself on being hyper-independent, but when I stop and reflect, I realise just how dependent I am on others, even for basic necessities. When I pause and reflect, I see the countless ways in which I depend on others in my daily life, from the water I drink to the electricity that powers my home. In the grand scheme of things, I'm not as 'hyper-independent' as I once thought. We're all inherently social creatures, and perhaps, we aren't meant to lead isolated, compartmentalised lives.

We are social creatures. To truly thrive, we need others. The more we turn inward, obsessing over self-improvement, the more we might be missing out on something greater and the less we can contribute to the collective challenges we face.

The Cost of Hyper-Individualisation

In the fast-paced world we inhabit, I understand the urge to better ourselves - I feel it too. We pour our resources, both tangible and intangible, into the pursuit of personal growth. We attend seminars, buy self-help books, and invest in wellness apps, all in the hope of sculpting a more refined version of ourselves. Yet, in this process, we sometimes overlook a crucial truth: our relentless focus on self-improvement comes at a price.

Consider the countless hours we dedicate to introspection, the financial resources spent on courses and workshops, and the emotional energy invested in overcoming personal hurdles. These are not trivial expenses. They reflect a deep commitment to our individual journeys, a dedication that is commendable in its own right. However, it's worth pondering: what if a portion of these resources were redirected towards collective causes?

I'm judging myself as a hypocrite for saying this while laughing at the inherent perfectionism of believing that I'm not enough of an activist. But our world yearns for collective healing. It begs for individuals to come together, to pool their efforts and resources, and to address the systemic issues that plague our societies. It's a call to action that transcends personal growth, urging us to shift our gaze beyond the self and toward the greater good.

The Power of Collective Healing

In the tapestry of existence, we are not isolated threads but intertwined strands, each contributing to the larger pattern. Consider this: feeling out of place, disheartened, or unwell in a world that often feels askew is not a sign of personal failure. It's a testament to our innate sensitivity, a signal that we are attuned to the disharmony that permeates our surroundings.

This discomfort, this yearning for something more, is a profound call to action. It's an invitation to step beyond the confines of personal growth and embark on a journey of collective healing. Picture a world where communities rally together, where individuals lift each other up, and where environments nurture the flourishing of all. This, I believe, is the true essence of well-being.

To truly be healthy, we must not only focus on personal well-being but also nurture the communities and environments we're a part of. It's a holistic approach that recognises the interconnectedness of all beings. By tending to the collective, we not only enrich our own lives but also sow the seeds of a more harmonious world.

Reconnecting in a Fragmented World

I guess I have two things to underline in conclusion.

Firstly, seek out connection, whether through group activities, communities, or events that foster authenticity. You're not alone, and you certainly don't have to navigate this journey solo. There's immense power in coming together to tackle life's toughest questions.

Second, I want to acknowledge the privileges in my life that have allowed me to focus on myself for so long. I'm taking some very small, tentative steps into this world of collective action and I recognise all the places I could have done more, sooner. And I don't want my internalised perfectionism to stop me from doing anything, whilst waiting to get it right. I welcome your thoughts, reflections and suggestions without expecting anyone to do the work of educating me!