What's It Like to Be You Right Now: The Power of Checking In

"The best way to capture moments is to pay attention. This is how we cultivate mindfulness." ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

How often do you take a moment to pause, soften your gaze, or even close your eyes, and check in with yourself? It's a simple practice, yet one that can often slip away in the hustle and bustle of daily life.

Take a moment here.

What's it like to be you right now?

Embracing the Present Moment

It's a question I don't ask myself enough throughout the day. However, it's a question that holds immense value and is a personal favourite when I'm teaching authentic relating. We refer to this as the "relational level" of conversation, a place where we connect with ourselves and others in the present moment.

The relational level exists alongside the informational and personal levels, where we share facts and data about our lives and express what's important to us. But there's something uniquely powerful about engaging at this level—it fosters intimacy. When we openly share how we feel in the moment, we expose our vulnerability and that can be both challenging and incredibly rewarding.

You don't have to tell everyone you meet about the innermost workings of your existence and I do challenge you to be a little more honest when someone asks you how you are - fine, busy and good don't open up a lot of avenues for intimacy and connection.

The Vulnerability of the Present

It's much easier to narrate a story about something that happened to us than to reveal our immediate emotional state when someone asks how we are. It's almost as if we're conditioned to intellectualise our experiences, creating a comfortable distance between ourselves and our emotions. But there's a risk in this emotional detachment—it prevents us from truly connecting to ourselves and to others.

Acknowledging our needs and feelings, whether they be exhaustion, hunger, loneliness, or joy, is essential. Ignoring them only serves to suppress our emotions, leaving us disconnected from ourselves and unable to tend to those needs. As if not acknowledging my needs and feelings somehow means they're not real and I don't have to address them.

And it's not just about avoiding the difficult emotions. I notice it with joy and happiness. If I don't really connect to the feeling, I don't have to be with the fragility of joy. By hesitating to embrace it fully, I can cushion myself from the withdrawal when it dissipates later. But the truth is, joy is fleeting - all emotions are - and it's okay to revel in it when it arises. We must be willing to acknowledge our emotions, even the fleeting ones, to fully experience life's richness.

The Foundation of Embodiment

Checking in with ourselves is the cornerstone of any embodied practice. It's about welcoming every aspect of our experience, both pleasant and challenging. When we practice this self-awareness, it becomes easier to regulate our nervous system and respond effectively to life's ups and downs.

Without acknowledging how we feel in the present moment, we lack a solid foundation to build upon. It's akin to setting off on a journey without knowing our starting point—how can we make informed decisions about where we want to go?

Starting the Practice

If checking in with yourself isn't already a part of your daily routine, it's time to make it one. Set regular check-ins, perhaps with alarms, throughout your day—somewhere between three and five times. I recommend externalising this practice, either by writing down your reflections or verbally expressing them, even if it's to your pets, on a voice memo or an empty room. Externalising your thoughts can deepen your connection to your experience because you slow them down long enough to be with them.

Remember, these check-ins don't require you to take any specific action or make immediate changes. They're simply about nurturing your awareness of how it feels to be you right now.

Conclusion

As you continue on with your day, I won't impose any expectations or hopes upon you. Instead, I encourage you to embrace the practice of checking in and noticing whatever's there. It's a simple act that holds the power to transform your relationship with yourself and those around you.