Is This the Key to Happiness?
Stop Resisting Reality
I've long "understood" the Buddhist notion of attachment and suffering. But I really felt it this week.
I woke up happy and content. Then I read the news. And I judged it as bad. I realised, as I felt my mood darken and drop, that I am spending a whole lot of energy trying to will the world to be different. I'm trying to shape reality through the power of wishful thinking.
The news isn't inherently "bad". It's not what I want to it be today so I make it bad. I make myself feel bad.
I realise that I do this all the time.
I judge my experience to be wrong and fight to feel something different. I cause myself so much pain and suffering. I know all I want is to be accepted and loved and yet I can't even do that for myself.
And I KNOW this. It is, after all, the first principle of authentic relating: to Welcome Everything. Turns out knowing it and being able to do it consistently aren't the same thing.
It doesn't mean that what is happening is all rainbows and sparkles. It can still suck. But the more time I spend fighting what is happening, the more harm I inflict on myself. I want to practice noticing and accepting what is here so I can make an informed, adult, intentional decision about how to respond. I want to stop causing my own pain.
Finding some stillness is key here. Even 2 minutes of silence can shift me out of my head, where all the judgements live, and back into my body, back into the present moment. From here in my body, I notice I always have a choice, even if it doesn't look like it. I may not be able to control the world; I can choose how I respond to it. I can choose how to engage and where to place my focus. And sometimes, sitting with reality for a moment is enough. Rather than resisting a difficult emotion, rather wishing I was somehow different, sitting with it for a moment and allowing it to be somehow softens it and it seems to start to move of its own accord.
If you'd like to start to see the places where you're resisting reality, here's a short practice:
1. Sit quietly and easily for a few minutes. See what physical sensations you notice in your body. Get curious about what's there - the textures, the temperatures, the pressure, the aliveness. As much as is possible for you today, can you do that without labelling or judging the sensation as 'good' or bad'? If you do notice judgements, notice that you're judging your experience and see if you can do that without judgement.
2. Try one of these 3 poses to cultivate a felt sense of saying yes to the world, of surrendering control, and of freely receiving life. Pay attention to how comfortable or familiar this sense is for you - what comes up when you're in this shape?
3. Take a few minutes to journal about your experience. Where in your life are you resisting reality? Where do you "should" all over yourself? Is there something out of your control that you can be 5% more accepting of right now?