How to Overcome Perfectionism

“Imperfection inspires invention, imagination, creativity. It stimulates. The more I feel imperfect, the more I feel alive.”

~ Jhumpa Lahiri

Have you ever thought that perfectionism, overdoing or overthinking are things you need to overcome and beat? Maybe you thought that life would just work the way you want it to, if only you weren't plagued by such character flaws?

Perfectionism always demands more of us.

Me too.

The thing is, I realised that this way of thinking is perfectionism in action. Its essence is that there is something wrong you and you need to be better.

Perfectionism, in all its flavours, is not a character flaw. It's a survival strategy.

It's a way your nervous system has developed to keep you safe. And may I say, it's done a spectacular job. Not only are you still here but I imagine you've managed to do a whole bunch of impressive things in your life.

I still don't believe that perfectionism can be healthy. After all, how can something so painful ever be healthy? Perfectionism is an exhausting and perpetually disappointing way to live: the work is never good enough, the job is never done and there is always room for improvement.

There's something of a paradox here. Approaching perfectionism as problem that needs to be fixed simply perpetuates it. Yet, I don't want to embrace it because I can see and feel the limitations of this old survival strategy. I want to be able to show up as the 30-something adult I am, not the 6-year-old who needed this protection, and that means learning how to do something different.

Unlearning perfectionism starts with appreciating it.

If we don't take time to acknowledge everything our perfectionism has done for us, those perfectionist parts assume we don't really know how scary the world is and how much we need them to protect us. By appreciating how perfectionism has kept us safe, we can start to create the space for something new.

The perfectionism never really goes away. That pattern of being will always be there somewhere. And that's okay. We can learn to be compassionate towards it, towards ourselves, as we appreciate that nothing needs to change. Nothing is broken, no-one needs fixing. We are already whole and complete.

Someone asked me recently how to move past perfectionism. My answer is I don't think you do; I think you learn to be with it in a different way. You learn to regulate your nervous system to create more safety in you body. You redesign your relationship with your inner critic so it becomes an ally. You learn to work with your cycles, rather than against them, so you can flow with your own patterns of energy. You develop your somatic intelligence so you can tap into your body's wisdom and express yourself authentically.

My experience of this work in myself and in my clients is that is not easy and it is incredibly satisfying. And it starts with showing yourself and your perfectionism a little bit of gratitude for getting you this far.

Let me know how this resonates for you in the comments below. How has your perfectionism served you?