What if You Didn't Need to be Anywhere Other Than Here?
"Life is available only in the present moment.” ~ Thich Nhat Hanh
One of the things I have loved about coaching is its focus on the future and taking action. Rather than delve into why things are the way they are, the impetus is to accept that as is and find ways to move towards a goal.
It appealed to my habitual way of being "on" in the world - always leaning forward, wanting to make things happen, wanting to make progress.
One way this shows up for me is frequently wanting to be somewhere I'm not. I find it hard to appreciate that where I am in my journey is where I am. I often want to be further ahead. I want to be like the people I see online who I perceive to be more successful, more embodied, more "better". I want to have achieved my goals already and be there, not here.
This mode of being has me in the future. I notice a lot of anxiety when I'm in this body. I find it hard to trust anything. I worry and want to tighten my grip to control the outcomes. I can take a lot of action from this place but it's not sustainable.
It's never enough. I don't even notice that I've reached my goal; by the time I get there, I've already set a new one. Always in motion.
Something I'm learning through Authentic Relating is that there is nowhere to be other than more here.
The present moment can feel like an unfamiliar place for a recovering perfectionist. I'm so used to being stuck in the past, beating myself up for a perceived mistake, or fixated on the future, worrying about what might be.
What I'm continuing to learn is that the present moment, that place deep in the centre of my body's depth, is where my choice lives.
From here, I can choose to move into action or I can choose to relax back into allowing. In presence, I can tap into what Jamie Catto calls the power of yin. I can listen deeply and allow my own curiosity to move me into action. I can recognise and celebrate my wins and I can notice what I need to resource myself with. There's space here for all the feelings: the desire, the shame, the jealousy, the fear, and the calm acknowledgement of my own reality. I am where I am.
The skill of present moment awareness and listening is one I'm increasingly starting to teach in my coaching. Because it's almost impossible to move forward effectively if you don't know where you are.
One tool I find helpful in this is to lengthen in three directions:
Start by finding length along your spine. Imagine your tailbone rooting down as your crown lifts up.
Softly expand the space between your collarbones as you imagine the outer edges of your arms radiating outwards, feeling more width.
Bring your attention to the back of your body and slowly move your awareness through your heart out the front of your chest, feeling more depth in your body.
Feel or imagine the point where these three directions meet and allow yourself to be moved in whatever direction the impulse takes you.
To come full circle, I still believe in the power of coaching, especially the embodied kind. We do need to learn and develop different strategies for taking action in the world if we want to do things we've never done before. We can't see our own blind spots and patterns on our own. But to move forwards, we first need to learn to go nowhere other than more here.
Let me know how this resonates for you and if you have any questions.