Are You a Betterist?

“The goal is not to be perfect by the end. The goal is to be better today.” ~ Simon Sinek

“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” ~ Alan Watts

"I don't really think of myself as a perfectionist, but I do think of myself as a Betterist. I look for things to be better, not perfect."

Does this sound familiar to you? I imagine so. I don’t know many perfectionists who describe themselves as aiming for perfection. They’re too smart for that; they know there is no such thing as perfect so the pursuit of perfect is irrational. Better, on the other hand? Who wouldn’t want better?

I’m going to argue that Betterism, if not the same thing as perfectionism wearing a dodgy disguise to make it look less threatening, is just as pernicious.

Here's what I think when I hear the term 'betterism'.
It could always be better.
I could do more.
It's good but it could be better.
I don't need it to be perfect but I'll always strive for it to be just a little bit better.
Better than what?!

Perfectionism is a misnomer. Whoever named it clearly wasn't a perfectionist because it's such a bad descriptor!

Perfectionism is the nagging feeling of never being good enough, of always being wrong. It's the intolerance of making mistakes. The pressure to be good at something immediately. The aversion to doing new things in case you're not good at it or quitting after the first lesson because you weren't instantly as good as the teacher.

It's the belief that good enough is never good enough. That it could always be better. And making it all your fault when it's not, believing that everyone else has it all figured out and it's just you struggling.

Critically, this internal experience does not match how perfectionists are perceived by others. The perfectionists I speak with are, without exception, brilliant. Not 'Forbes 30-under-30, multi-millionaire philanthropists' brilliant as one said to me, but nevertheless impressive humans who seem to be doing a bloody good job of the challenge of adulting. In fact, most of the perfectionists I work with shy away from using the term - "oh, I'm not perfect enough to be a perfectionist", one client said.

So, yes, I think betterism is perfectionism-in-disguise. But I do think we need a word that makes more sense to our collective experience of perfectionism. 'Never quite good enough'-ism is too much of a mouthful.

What would you call it?