The Hidden Face of Modern Perfectionism

Perfectionism
Written By Vix Anderton

“The meaning of life is just to be alive. It is so plain and so obvious and so simple. And yet, everybody rushes around in a great panic as if it were necessary to achieve something beyond themselves.” ~ Alan Watts

"I don't really think of myself as a perfectionist, but I do think of myself as a Betterist. I look for things to be better, not perfect."

Sound familiar? If you're nodding along, you're not alone. Few perfectionists openly admit to chasing perfection - they're too self-aware for that. Instead, they (we?) embrace the more palatable pursuit of 'better'. After all, who could argue against wanting to improve?

But here's the uncomfortable truth: Betterism might just be perfectionism in disguise.

The Betterist's Mantra

“The goal is not to be perfect by the end. The goal is to be better today.” ~ Simon Sinek

Listen closely, and you'll hear the betterist's endless internal monologue:

  • "It could always be better"

  • "I could do more"

  • "It's good, but..."

  • "I don't need it to be perfect but I'll always strive for it to be just a little bit better"

Better than what, exactly? The goalposts keep moving, don't they?

And that's really what perfectionism is.

Perfectionism is rarely the simple pursuit of excellence.

The reality is far more complex and insidious. What we call perfectionism is actually:

  • The persistent feeling of never being good enough

  • An intense intolerance for mistakes

  • The pressure to master new skills immediately

  • A reluctance to try new things unless immediate excellence is guaranteed

  • The exhausting belief that "good enough" is never enough

  • The conviction that everyone else has it figured out (spoiler: they don't)

The Perfectionist's Paradox

Here's the twist that I've observed in my work: The internal experience of perfectionism rarely matches how others perceive us.

Without exception, the perfectionists I speak with are impressive individuals who are navigating life's challenges with remarkable skill. They're not "Forbes 30-under-30, multi-millionaire philanthropists" (as one client put it), but they're absolutely crushing it at this whole adulting thing.

The ultimate irony? Many shy away from the label 'perfectionist' because - you guessed it - they don't feel perfect enough to claim it. One client actually told me, "Oh, I'm not perfect enough to be a perfectionist."

Why Betterism Is Just as Dangerous

Betterism might seem more reasonable than perfectionism, but it operates on the same faulty logic. It's an endless treadmill of self-improvement that never lets you feel satisfied with where you are right now. The pursuit of 'better' can be just as exhausting and self-defeating as the pursuit of perfection.

Think about it:

  • When was the last time "better" felt good enough?

  • How often does "making it better" actually mean "making it perfect"?

  • What's the cost of never feeling satisfied with "good enough"?

Signs You Might Be a Betterist (aka a Perfectionist)

These labels aren't meant to shame you or box in.

I found understanding that I had perfectionist tendencies a crucial step in learning that there were others I could be approaching life.

Here are some signs that it might be time for you to brutalise yourself a little less:

  • You rarely celebrate achievements because you're already focused on the next improvement

  • "It's fine, but..." is your default response to compliments

  • You habitually compare your current self to an idealised future version

  • Taking breaks feels unproductive or guilt-inducing

  • You're excellent at finding flaws in otherwise successful outcomes

  • "Good enough" feels like settling

A New Name for an Old Challenge

'Perfectionism' is clearly a misnomer, but 'Never quite good enough-ism' is too much of a mouthful. We need a term that better captures the reality of this experience - the constant striving, the moving goalposts, the subtle self-criticism that masquerades as self-improvement.

What would you call it? Share your suggestions in the comments below.

Want to explore this topic further?

Dive into my series on perfectionism:

Remember: The goal isn't to be perfect at unlearning perfectionism. Sometimes, good enough really is good enough.

Vix Anderton
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