How to Make Confident Decisions

5 questions to start making decisions with clarity and courage

Making decisions can be tough.

Every ‘yes’ we say is a ‘no’ to something else and let’s face it, not many of us like saying no. And yet not making decisions leaves us stuck, unable to move forward towards our goals.

One of the key principles I teach to aid workers before they work in conflict zones is "make a decision". When the proverbial is hitting the fan, indecision only ever seems to make a situation worse. And I think the same applies to whatever challenge you’re facing in life. So how can you make decisions with more confidence?

Here are some of the questions I ask myself when I’m struggling to make a decision.

What’s the bigger picture?

One of the first questions military planners ask is what is my aim, followed by what is my commander’s intent? In plain English, what’s really important here?

I recently decided to sell my flat. It’s been a hard decision to make in this economic climate and I went round and round the options of selling, renting, staying put, when…so many different variables to consider. Reminding myself of my vision for my life put the brakes on going round in circles and see the route out of the maze - like taking the bird’s eye view of my life.

I have a couple of mantras that help me with this:
* I live a life I don’t need a holiday from
* I collect experiences, not stuff
I come back to these time and again as a North Star to guide me through difficult decisions.

Can I reduce the options?

I recently got engaged (yay!) so have been on the hunt for the perfect wedding venue. A friend expressed surprise that I had already come to a decision, which got me reflecting on how I (sometimes) can be Uber-efficient in making decisions (and in fact inspired this post). I realised that one of the really helpful things this time was that we have a strict budget for the big day. By having giving myself a constraint, I automatically ruled out so many places so I was left with choosing between 3 places rather than thousands.

Does it matter?

I cannot choose between ice cream flavours. Seriously, I can bring myself to a sweaty, teary mess in a gelato shop because I never know what I want and I am pretty rubbish at making decisions that don’t matter. Do I want pistachio or hazelnut or chocolate or sorbet…? Sometimes, simply acknowledging that there isn’t a right answer and that this decision isn’t that important frees me up to say “this time, I’ll have pistachio”.

What would this decision be like if it were a little bit smaller?

I see lots of clients struggling with decisions because they’ve made them massive, existential questions. “I don’t know what to do with my life”. “Who do I want to be?”. Questions that size don’t have nice neat answers. The trick is to turn big decisions into smaller ones.

My friend Sarah has a lovely frame of deciding if she wants to do something for a season. Sometimes, saying this is something I’m choosing for now takes the pressure off and opens up more space in your decision-making. Another way to think about it is trying a 10% project - is there a way of trying out this new thing without having to commit 100% to it? Essentially, we’re finding ways to treat the decision as an experiment rather than the only answer - or as one of my teachers likes to put it, you’re taking the decision out on a date, not getting married to it.

Is there a way back?

I’ve quit my career twice with very little idea of what I was going to do next. Both times, the thing that gave me confidence to move forward was knowing I could go back if it didn’t work out. Yes, I wanted to move on and I could see that where I was wasn’t all that bad. Knowing that if I tried something new and it didn’t work, I had something to fall back on made the whole thing much less scary.

Perhaps that’s going back to the same or similar role. Maybe it’s having a savings buffer to carry you through. Having some kind of contingency plan and, again, treating it like an experiment - if this doesn’t work out, I can take a step back and then try to move forward in a different direction.

Final Thought

You are not all-knowing and you cannot predict the future - sorry and welcome to being human! All you can do is make the best decision you can with the information you have at the time. And that is enough. It will always be enough.

My general experience is that I regret the things I don’t do, rather than the things I did do.

Remember that there is nowhere to get to. The purpose of life is to enjoy the journey so put one foot in front of the other and trust that each step is taking you somewhere interesting.