Hacked Off With Self-Help

YOU CAN’T HACK YOUR WAY TO FULFILMENT

It seems to be a universal aspect of the human condition. That we want to learn, to develop and evolve. That we want to live a fulfilled, meaningful and largely happy life.

I imagine millions of words have been written in service of this desire. From Socrates, Plato or Marcus Aurelius to Tim Ferris, Brene Brown and Michael Singer. I also imagine that the words largely describe a similar set of tools.

And those tools often aren’t complex - completely the opposite, in my experience. The tools and practices are simple. The challenge comes in undoing all the habits and patterns that we’ve create to take us away from our inherent understanding. We come into this world implicitly knowing how to breathe well, how to love, how to be. We all experience situations in life that where we take away the lesson that the world isn’t safe for us to be ourselves. And that’s completely normal and understandable reaction.

Learning how to manage your emails better or getting a hack to boost your productivity isn’t really addressing the underlying issue. The reason you’re not achieving what you want in a way that you want it is not going to be solved with a fancy new planner or a bullet-proof coffee.

We’re human beings, not machines. We can’t hack ourselves into fulfilment. Now, these practices and tools might be simple but that doesn’t make them easy. And let’s face it, we’re increasingly living lives where things are easy.

Online shopping. Apps that tell us exactly what time the bus will arrive or that filter our photos so they look a little more perfect. Entertainment at the push of a button. Outsource the problem - whether it’s a broken arm or a broken boiler, someone will fix it for you.

We want easy and interesting - enter the era of the life hack. A hack, especially in computer science, is defined as an “effective but inelegant solution” to a problem; life hacks then became about learning easier, niftier ways to do everything from cutting an onion to improving your focus. In 2005, the American Dialectic Society named “lifehack” (now one word) as runner-up for its annual “most useful word” award, second only to “podcast.”

The problem with life hacks is that they fool us into thinking there’s a shortcut. That we can bypass all the hard work of examining our habits, patterns and choices, of building new neural pathways and new ways of being slowly and often painfully. That there’s a quick fix. That there is one clear answer. That fast is better than deep.

The very idea of a shortcut suggests there is somewhere to get to. Some mythical land where we can be happy all the time. Some far off utopia that we can reach if we just spend a bit more money and get that latest hack. There is no destination. This is your life. The only place to find the fulfilment, satisfaction and meaning you’re yearning for is inside you. And there’s no shortcut there. Ironically, it’s always in us; we’ve just done such an amazing job at hiding ourselves from the world, we can’t find our own back to ourselves.

There are a lot of people who don’t want to have to keep showing up and doing something repetitive, potentially boring, something that requires effort, day after day.

We want to think we can do this on our own. We are reluctant to ask for help, to allow ourselves to be supported. In a world that rejects experts, we don’t want to invest in guides, coaches and mentors. We don’t want to reach out to a community. People to hold us accountable to our commitments and goals. People who will ask difficult questions of us. People who will help us do deep and often difficult work.

I’m interested in the journey, not the destination. I know my mindfulness and embodiment practices are for life. That my tools and practices don’t work if I don’t do them - sounds obvious but oh so true. And I want to be on that journey with you. So if you believe in the idea of a magic button that will solve all your problems, I’m not the right coach for you. If you’re interested in really showing up in your life as unapologetically, unashamedly, perfectly imperfect you, if you’re up for doing some deep work that will allow you to have the impact you want in the world, if you’re committed to sustainable personal development, then I’d love to offer you a pitch-free complimentary coaching session.