Taking Change One Step At A Time
"There is power in small wins and slow gains." ~ James Clear
Whenever I feel a bit stuck in life, I tend to want to make big sweeping changes. My perfectionist thinking has me throwing the metaphorical baby out with the bathwater. It's either all working or nothing's working and therefore everything has to change. Of course, the irony is that by trying to change everything, I end up getting overwhelmed and changing nothing. So I feel even more stuck.
As much as a part of me hates to admit it, the answer is to be patient and go one step at a time. It's counter to so many of the stories I have about how to be in the world. Let's face it, social media is awash with people promising to turn you into an overnight success and don't get me started on the 30 Under 30 list. The pressure to hurry and get there already is intense.
As much as I contract at the thought of incremental change, there is also something in me longing for more gentleness and slowness. I'm curious if slow and steady might yield more of the results I want over time.
It’s so easy to overestimate the importance of one defining moment and underestimate the value of making small decisions in the right direction on a daily basis.
The defining moments are still important. Leaving the Air Force, getting married or moving to Bali are all big decisions that irrevocably altered the course of my life. Yet the integration of those changes - like building a new life from the ground up with my partner - is done in the small moments every day.
We can get hooked on the belief that something is only meaningful if there is some large, visible outcome associated with it. It's so easy to feel the pressure to make some earth-shattering improvement that everyone will notice. I want to be 'there' already; I don't want to have to go through the effort and time of transition.
It's easy to forget that when you're being challenged and just want those uncomfortable feelings to go away.
Don’t take this literally - life isn’t this easily quantified.
Making small changes, going one step at a time, improving by one measly percent isn't notable (and sometimes it isn't even noticeable). But it can be just as meaningful, especially in the long run because these small changes compound.
Allowing myself to make small, incremental changes feels much more spacious to me. When I take this approach, I quickly feel less stuck because I'm giving myself small opportunities to be in action and agency. Focusing on the 1% shift feels much more accessible and allows me to be responsive to life's feedback. It's a much nicer way to treat my nervous system to boot; it needs time to acclimatise and adjust whereas big changes can be highly activating and stressful, even if they are desired and exciting.
Change is inevitable. Every time I think I've arrived somewhere, I realise that the act of getting here changed me in some way. The world and how I relate to it are different and so change continues.
I’m realising (slowly) that there is nowhere I have to get to. There is no rush. I can take my time and navigate change one little, tiny step at a time.
What about you? If you could take one small next step, what would it be? What one thing could you experiment with every day for the next week? Knowing that it won't immediately make everything better, can you make one little change anyway and be open to what might happen as a result? Could you be a little kinder and more patient with yourself along the way?
To help you on your way to taking the next step, I'm offering 20 minutes of coaching (in exchange for a 20-minute market research chat to help me improve what I offer). These sessions are a great way to identify one or two small ways you can move closer to your goals and there's no obligation to coach with me afterwards (genuinely). You can book a call here.
If you liked this post, you might also enjoy this reflection on slowing down decision-making too.
I'd love to hear how this works for you. If any of this resonates or you have questions, please drop me a line. I love hearing from you and I reply as quickly as I can.