Stop Feeling Guilty For Taking a Break
“Rest makes us more human. It brings us back to our human-ness.” ~ Tricia Hersey
When did we start feeling so guilty for taking a break? Why do we think rest is a sign of weakness, of not wanting it enough, of not being good enough? When did taking a break become synonymous with slacking off?
I don't know anyone who doesn't, at least occasionally, feel a pang of guilt about taking a break. No matter how much I understand the logic of taking breaks, I still find myself asking “have I done enough to earn a break?”. Even when I manage to gift myself time off, I can still find myself questioning whether I'm resting well enough, which is one of the least relaxing ways to spend my time.
There's a pervasive sense that busyness equals success. We're bombarded with messages implying that if we just work harder and longer, we'll finally achieve that elusive "enough." We allow ourselves to believe that if we only work that bit harder or a bit longer, we’ll make it. We believe that we SHOULD be perfect.
The guilt we experience goes deeper than individual anxieties. This relentless 'hustle culture' has roots in a colonial capitalist ideology that prioritises output over well-being. We've been taught to extract from our own creativity and aliveness in pursuit of productivity, consumption and growth. Gains in efficiency haven't resulted in less work, as you might expect. Instead, we work harder and consume more than ever.
Grind culture isn't just something that exists in the zeitgeist as an external force. We've all internalised that way of being; we have become both the master and the servant. We pride ourselves on on being dedicated to our work, so we set the unachievable standard that you need to be constantly working, 24/7. We link working on weekends with extra effort, and link breaks and rest as a sign of sloppiness
With all that internalised and externalised pressure to succeed, no wonder you feel guilty when you dare to entertain the idea of taking a break and stepping off the treadmill, even for something as necessary as lunch.
When your perspective gets tied to the “shoulds” and unwritten rules and guidelines that you unwittingly set for yourself, you can end up rationalising rest as something to do in service of productivity.
Rest shouldn't be a privilege, although I will acknowledge here that wealth and status make choosing rest more accessible for a global minority. Rest is our birthright. It's an inherent part of any cycle and its purpose is so much greater than allowing you to produce more in the next round.
Your Body Needs a Break
Let's start with the basic Rest-Activity Cycle, which plays out in 80–120 minute cycles non-stop, day and night. It is most detectable during sleep, when we move from non-REM sleep to REM sleep and back, over and over again throughout the night.
It’s also present in subtler forms throughout the day in the waking rest-activity cycle.
When correctly attuned to our biological rhythms, we experience about 90 minutes of activity followed by 20 minutes of rest - the ultradian healing response - with a full cycle lasting 110 minutes or so, cycled over and over throughout the day. Everybody is different, however, so one full cycle for you could last anywhere from 80–120 minutes.
The problem arises when we ignore these rhythms and try to maintain constant activity throughout the day, failing to heed our regular need for a break.
When we need a rest, our bodies send us clear signals such as fidgetiness, hunger, drowsiness, and loss of focus. Mostly, we choose to override these. To do so, we find artificial ways to pump up our energy: caffeine, foods high in sugar and simple carbohydrates, and, more often than not, our body's own stress hormones -- adrenaline, noradrenaline and cortisol. If we work at high intensity for more than 90 minutes, we begin to draw on these emergency reserves to keep us going.
Effectively, that means we move from parasympathetic to sympathetic arousal -- a physiological state more commonly known as fight or flight.
Many of us have become addicted to the adrenalin rush generated by our own stress hormones. Being wired 24/7 digitally also keeps us wired physically and emotionally. We've convinced ourselves -- and we've been convinced by the cultures we work in -- that this is how we need to work to get it all done. The problem is that more, bigger, faster generates value that is narrow, shallow, and short-term.
One consequence of relying on our stress hormones as a source of energy, for example, is that the prefrontal cortex begins to shut down in the physiological stress response. We become more reactive and less capable of thinking clearly, reflectively or imaginatively.
The counterintuitive secret to sustainable great performance is to live like a sprinter. In practice, that means working at your highest intensity for no more than 90 minutes at a time before taking a healing break. Taking breaks does make you more productive, more creative, and more open to new ideas.
Beyond Performance
Of course, taking a break is about more than 20-minutes here or there. It’s about good quality sleep, it’s about days off and holidays. It’s about having time for personal development and spiritual growth, time for play and fun, time for friends and family and romance. It’s about having time and space for nothing in particular.
Taking a break is about more than just being good at what you do.
You're a human being, not a human doing.
You are so much more than your job title, the figure in your bank account, or the number of followers you have on social media.
Rest is about the space in-between. It's a space for dreaming. For feeling. For being.
I see too many people who feel guilty or ashamed taking time off. They dedicate themselves to creating rich full lives and then don't allow themselves to enjoy it. Guilt says "I'm sorry...I did a bad thing." Shame says “I’m sorry...I’m a bad person”. Neither of those are true when it comes to resting, despite what grind culture would have you believe.
Sometimes, I wonder if I'm doing enough in my nascent activism. But, to borrow from Tricia Hersey, rest is resistance. Resting is a radical act exactly because it dispels the notion that you are not enough.
But that doesn't mean it's easy. Rest is a practice. It takes effort to divest from internalised hustle culture. While it might feel unfamiliar and uncomfortable to start with, it can still be easeful. Like any new practice, start small.
Here are a few ideas to get you started:
Set a timer for 90 minutes and use that focused time to tackle a demanding task. When the timer goes off, take a short walk, stretch, or do some deep breathing exercises.
Schedule "out of office" breaks throughout the day – even 10 minutes can make a difference.
Plan activities you genuinely enjoy outside of work and responsibilities – a yoga class, reading a book, spending time in nature.
Sit and do nothing for a few moments each day. And I mean nothing - this doesn't have to be a meditation. Allow your mind to wander, to daydream and to explore freely.
Allow your cycles to guide you. If you menstruate, plan for time each month to be still. Block out time at the end of a project or event. Find a moment of stillness at the beginning and end of the day.
It's time stop feeling guilty for taking a break and start embracing it as the essential part of life it truly is.
Discover sustainable practices for fostering rest. Download my free e-books: Getting Started With Cyclical Living and Planning with the Seasons or explore my masterclass on Effortless Productivity.
Looking for personalised guidance and support? My 1:1 cyclical alignment coaching package offers a tailored approach to help you unlock your creative brilliance and embrace your excellence by following your own flow.