On The Other Side of Perfectionism

“Excellence does not require perfection.” ~ Henry James

What's the opposite of perfectionism?

Choice, ease, lightness, playfulness, peace, confident, compassionate, trusting, joy, connected, lightheartedness...

I love all these answers. They reflect my own yearning for softness and ease after wearing the straightjacket of not-enoughness for so long. They are a balm to the inner brutality and rigidity of perfectionism. 

But I've been starting to wonder whether, in the pursuit of more space and flow, we're missing something. It's been sitting with me since I heard the phrase 'inhabiting excellence' from one of my Menstruality teachers.

Inhabiting excellence.

Not the pursuit of excellence outside of ourselves. Not the demand for perfection motivated by a fear of not being good enough. Not the mask of 'fake it until you make it'.

Inhabiting our inner power and authority.

Something stirs in me when I say those words. I feel powerful. I feel expansive. I feel grounded in the centre of my own being.

I want to reclaim the power of excellence. Because this kind of excellence isn't judged by external markers of success. There are no gold stars for this form of excellence. It's not an active, yang, outwards expression. Instead, this excellence comes from within; it comes from inhabiting myself fully. Living in the fullness of my authentic expression.

There is something beautiful about being imperfect in the world. I've come to love being unpolished and unprepared; I find so much space and freedom in being raw and unedited (much like this letter!). It's a wonderful strategy to keep my perfectionism at bay.

And I'm also coming to appreciate the limitless capacity of being powerful. Claiming myself, my strengths and my story.

I had a client recently express to me that they had a fear that they couldn't bring their big dreams to our coaching. They were concerned that they would feel deflated if I told them that they were enough without realising those dreams.

I get this. I spend a lot of time rallying for more self-compassion and acceptance. Just like my client, you are absolutely enough without achieving anything. But what I really hope for my clients, for myself, is the skills and grace to do extraordinary things in the world in a way that feels nourishing and sustainable and isn't driven by a feeling of not-enoughness or need to prove one's worth.

I don't think you can shortcut this. There is deep healing work to be done to fully encounter ourselves and to accept ourselves exactly as we are. Not after just one more course or after this thing about us is different. But exactly as we are. When we master this power of encounter, we unlock our power for agency and creativity.

If you're ready to reclaim the power of your excellence, please get in touch. Likewise, if you have any questions or comments about this topic, I'd love to hear from you.

Me on stage, in 2022, claiming my excellence and my rawness.