It's Not Just You - It Really Is Hard Right Now
Anyone else feeling overwhelmed, stuck, exhausted, uninspired, deflated, heavy, broken, dark, and left behind? Are you one of the people who want to scream "Stop the world! I want to get off!". One of the people who don't understand why it feels so bloody hard right now.
I'm here to tell you that it makes total sense that you feel this way. That you are not the only one. That it's okay to feel all this and it's okay to want to feel something different.
It really is hard right now.
I'm noticing a subtle narrative that we're meant to have adjusted to life with Covid, life in lockdown away from family and friends and the activities we enjoy. In the UK, we're weeks into our third lockdown (I have genuinely forgotten how many or when this lockdown even started) so surely we must be used to it by now.
I think that's bullshit.
I see the same thing when I work in conflict zones. People habituate to the threat. The threat doesn't disappear. The body's response to threat and stress doesn't disappear. People stop noticing.
Like a frog in water slowly brought to boiling point, we tune out to the compounding impact living in this heightened state of stress has on us.
And like being in a conflict zone, we are both surrounded by a world that feels uncertain, unpredictable and unsafe AND we have been cut off from so many of the ways we regulate and cope.
On top of that, add homeschooling, too much work, not enough work, the intensity of being in a relationship, the intensity of not being in a relationship, grief for people we've lost, grief for the lives we had imagined for ourselves over the past 12 months.
It's a lot.
No wonder we're all tired.
This image by @instachaaz has been popping up all over my social media feeds and it sums it all up perfectly.
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away. Sadly, I can't so here are three tools that I use myself and with my clients to cope just a little bit better.
1. Notice & name it. In my experience, it's very hard to respond to something I'm not even acknowledging. Can you take some time today or this week to be on your own and to feel? Shut the door, cry, scream, hit a pillow, and allow yourself to feel. You might start with a bodyscan meditation (like this one or this one, both from Tara Brach). Pay attention to the body sensations, the emotions and the thoughts that are present for you. Try not to get caught up in the story of why they're there - instead try to name it as "tingling" or "anger" and allow your attention to move onto the next sensation. You could also write it down as a stream of consciousness. This isn't about condoning or approving of everything that's happening right now; this practice of noticing is helping us turn toward our experience so we know what we're dealing with.
2. Put something down. After taking some time to be with my own experience, rather than pretending it's not happening, I often find myself at the place of "well, I don't have a choice, I can't do anything about it, I've got to soldier on". Sound familiar? I have news for you - it's not true. I put so much pressure on myself to do everything, be wonderful, to keep saying yes. But something has to give. I am only human - you're only human. And the more I try to behave like I'm a superhero, the more I realise that I'm not and I feel more and more like a failure. Saying everything is important doesn't magically create more time, energy or resources to get it all done. Somethings are easier to let go off - watching the news, for example. Others are so much harder. There are things I want to be doing in my business right now that I am choosing to not prioritise right now so that I don't burn out. They're still important to me and I will still do them, just not right now. And no, you cannot simply sleep less. Try making a Not-To-Do List. Rather than feeling guilty for not getting everything done, this is a method to make intentional, empowered choices about what you are deciding isn't a priority right now. You're not saying never to these things, simply not right now.
Grab a piece of paper or a post-it note - this works better if you can see the list as you're working
Write down at least five things that you think you "should" be doing and are choosing not to do right now
Every time you feel the guilt of not doing more, go back to your list and remind yourself that you're choosing to put things aside right now to make space for the things you've decided are most important
3. What would more ease/space/flow feel like? Posing an intention as a question is great way to get curious about your situation. Curiosity and stress are a bit like oil and water - they just don't mix. This simple self-coaching technique can be done with any activity. If you're feeling a bit stuck, try it with walking to start with then apply it to the task you're facing.
Start by taking a couple of slow breaths. Notice how you feel right now.
Identify the quality you'd like a little more of. This could be something like ease, flow, focus, fun, for example.
Ask yourself , "What would a bit more ease/flow/focus/fun be like?" or "How can I make this 5% easier/feel more fun?"
Notice what comes up for you. It might be a shift in how you feel or you may get a clear answer of what you need to cultivate more of this feeling.
If after trying these, you’d like some more tools to help you find a little bit of calm in the chaos, head over to my Tiny Courses or come and join us at the Connection Cafe.