Finding Comfort: A Perfectionist's Guide to Self-Care and Sustainability

"Caring for myself is not self-indulgence, it is self-preservation, and that is an act of political warfare." ~ Audre Lorde

If I had to prescribe one thing to fellow recovering perfectionists and overachievers, it would be to allow comfort to be your guide.

In a world that constantly pushes us to do more, be more, and achieve more, the simple act of prioritising our own comfort can be revolutionary. Let me explain how it can be a powerful antidote to the harsh demands of perfectionism.

The Problem with Perfectionism

Perfectionism is an exquisite form of self-brutalisation. It's harsh, extractive, and often rooted in internalised systems of oppression. I like to imagine perfectionism as a desiccated mummy, constantly taking and taking without ever replenishing itself. It's stuck in the "doing" part of the cycle, never taking time to let go, restore, and nourish.

While the desire to offer something to the world isn't inherently problematic, when it becomes our sole focus, it becomes unsustainable. This extractive approach isn't just damaging to our own bodies, but to other bodies as well, including the body of the Earth.

The Power of Following Comfort

The antidote to this cycle of perfectionism and overachievement is surprisingly simple: follow comfort. Now, I know what you might be thinking. "Comfort? Isn't that selfish?" But hear me out.

adrienne maree brown talks about "pleasure activism", that our pleasure, in the face of unfettered capitalism and oppression, is its own form of rebellion. However, sometimes even pleasure can feel like too much of a reach. That's where comfort comes in. Comfort can be found in small, manageable moments that gradually expand our capacity to handle life's challenges.

Let me share a personal anecdote. A few weeks ago, during a therapy session, I noticed myself feeling uncomfortable in my chair. My initial instinct was to tolerate the discomfort, thinking, "I can't ask for anything. I just have to be like this." But then I remembered the importance of comfort. I paused the session and asked for a cushion.

This might seem trivial, but it was a significant moment for me. By choosing to prioritise my comfort, I was able to stay present and engaged in the session. When I'm not comfortable in my body, I tend to numb out and dissociate, which prevents me from feeling the impact I'm having on others and making the choices I want to make.

Comfort as a Path to Better Service

Contrary to what you might believe, seeking comfort isn't a selfish act. It's actually a way to be of better service to the world. When you're comfortable, you have more spaciousness and capacity to face the really hard stuff. You're better equipped to confront uncomfortable truths about yourself and the world.

So, I invite you to practice bringing a little more comfort and ease into your body. This could mean:

1. Getting an extra cushion for your chair

2. Wearing clothes that feel comfortable

3. Enjoying that piece of cake you've been eyeing

Every time we deny ourselves these small comforts, we reinforce patterns of brutalisation that live within us and in the world.

Comfort, Joy, and Pleasure as Acts of Rebellion

One of my dearest teachers, Rachel Blackman, once shared a powerful insight with me. We were discussing the challenges of bringing new life into a world that seems to be falling apart. She pointed out that trauma, pain, and the horrors in the world act as a deadening force. They numb us and disconnect us from life's fullness.

In contrast, she suggested that one of the most powerful things we can do is bring more aliveness into the world, in whatever way feels right for us. This aligns beautifully with adrienne maree brown's work on pleasure activism. Our joy, our pleasure, our shared aliveness - these are all part of the rebellion against the destruction in the world.

Life is hard enough as it is; you don't have to make it tougher on yourself out of some misguided notion that suffering is noble. There are so many uncomfortable things happening in the world right now; I mean, we're witnessing a genocide happen through our phones.

So, I'm making a call for comfort. Not as a way to distract ourselves from the world and our responsibilities, but as a means to resource ourselves better.

I'd love to hear how this lands with you. What are the ways you allow yourself to seek comfort, joy, and pleasure? How does it feel? How does it resource you?

Remember, your comfort and joy aren't just personal indulgences - they're powerful tools for change. By nurturing yourself, you expand your capacity to nurture the world around you. So go ahead, have that piece of cake, wear those comfy pants, and remember: your comfort matters.