A Path to Authentic Resilience: A Fresh Perspective on Overcoming Obstacles

"Obstacles are not roadblocks; they are opportunities for growth and self-discovery." - Maya Angelou

As someone who has tried to bulldoze my way through life, including my own well-being, in pursuit of reaching self-imposed goals, I have developed a deep distaste for the language surrounding overcoming challenges. I find it sets me up to keep pushing and pushing and pushing, long after is healthy for me. In this blog post, I want to explore a compassionate and holistic approach to overcoming obstacles, shifting away from the notion of conquering. By softening around obstacles, exploring alternative paths, and fostering adaptability, we can cultivate resilience and create a more sustainable way of engaging with life.

You don’t have to climb every mountain. Mother Superior (from the Sound of Music) was not right on this one!

The Pitfalls of Overcoming

Whenever I hear people talk about overcoming obstacles, I can't help but cringe.

Picture this: you're walking along a path, and suddenly, you encounter a brick wall.

The prevailing belief suggests that the only way to deal with it is to conquer and climb over it, as if that is the only right thing to do. The same applies to overcoming perfectionism, imposter syndrome, and other personal challenges.

It feels like an invitation to self-brutalization fueled by perfectionism.

But here's the thing – this approach runs counter to what I've learned through authentic relating and cyclical living.

Embracing Everything

In my journey, I've come to realize that sometimes, I am the very obstacle standing in my own path. By bulldozing over myself, I've historically disregarded my needs, ignored vital somatic feedback, and dismissed the messages my body sends me. I'm not implying that somatic feedback is always infallible, as it may sometimes reflect trauma patterns or ingrained habits. However, there is valuable information within it. The language of overcoming seems to amplify self-criticism and fixate solely on achieving the end goal, often at great costs.

A Shift in Perspective

While I acknowledge that there may be instances where the language of overcoming serves a purpose, I believe it tends to promote a stress response, demanding a single-minded focus on a specific direction. It fuels the notion that if there's an obstacle in our path, we must go over or through it. But I question the validity of equating hard work with intrinsic worthiness. Simply put, effort doesn't automatically make something worthwhile. In light of this, I find myself more intrigued by the concept of softening around challenges, allowing myself to truly be present within them.

Exploring Alternate Paths

When obstacles or challenges arise, my focus shifts towards embracing flexibility and seeking different perspectives. Rather than stubbornly insisting on going over the obstacle, I consider going around it, beneath it, or seeking assistance to overcome it. Binary thinking, which often accompanies perfectionism, can trap us in an "either forward or quit" mentality. I propose that we open ourselves up to the possibility of numerous approaches when faced with obstacles. By doing so, we unlock our creativity and uncover new pathways that lie beyond rigid "overcoming."

"The oak fought the wind and was broken, the willow bent when it must and survived." - Robert Jordan

Resilience through Adaptability

In my experience, resilience isn't about conquering or altering reality. It's about cultivating the mission flexibility and adaptability to explore new avenues when faced with challenges.

Resilience lies in our ability to entertain the possibility of doing something different and embracing the lessons that emerge from these experiences. In the long run, this open-minded approach proves more fruitful than attempting to overpower reality with sheer willpower.

Honestly.

Making It Easier and Enjoyable

A vital question I've started asking myself is, "How can I make this easier? How can I make this more pleasurable and enjoyable?" While I may not always have immediate answers, the act of posing these questions invites a shift in perspective. It encourages me to explore ways to infuse joy, simplicity, and ease into the process of navigating obstacles. By prioritising our well-being and finding pleasure in the journey, we create a sustainable framework for growth and self-discovery.

Final Thoughts

Thank you for joining me on this exploration of overcoming obstacles. I genuinely find the language of overcoming unhelpful and restrictive. Instead, I invite you to embrace challenges with open arms, welcoming the opportunity to learn, grow, and expand your perspectives. Share your thoughts and experiences with me. How do you approach obstacles? Do you find the concept of overcoming useful or not? Do you resonate with the idea of softening around challenges and embracing flexibility? I encourage you to share your thoughts, strategies, and personal stories in the comments below. Until next time, take care and stay curious!