The Surprising Benefits of Feeling Lonely

"We cannot selectively numb emotions, when we numb the painful emotions, we also numb the positive emotions."
~ Brené Brown

Are you feeling lonely and struggling to find ways to cope with it? Have you been advised to "keep busy" to avoid feeling lonely? As a recovering perfectionist, I have often used busyness as a coping strategy to stop myself from feeling my emotions. But what if I told you that loneliness is not something to be avoided, but rather an opportunity to learn more about yourself and your needs?

Recently, I received a not-so-helpful piece of advice from the universe (via A Note From The Universe at tut.com), which said that if you're feeling lonely, it's because of a lack of keeping busy.

I have some issues with this. As a recovering perfectionist and overachiever, I find that keeping busy often results in me feeling disconnected from myself and others. It's not uncommon for me to use busyness as a coping mechanism to avoid feeling my emotions. Keeping busy can result in a sense of disconnection from myself and others, and can also be a coping strategy to avoid feeling my feelings.

Keeping busy can be the cause of my loneliness.

So if busying yourself out of feeling lonely might be making matters worse, what might help?

Emotions are data (at least from what I understand from Lisa Feldman-Barrett's work or from the ideas of non-violent communication). They give us information about whether our needs are being met. They help me understand my relationship to the world around me.

So, instead of busying my way out of loneliness, I try slow down and be present with the emotion. I notice how loneliness feels in my body, what the sensations are, and what impulses it creates in me. I pay attention to how it feels in my body and what needs it may be pointing to.

If I'm feeling lonely, is it because I'm not connecting with others, or is it because I'm not connecting with myself? These are two very different things, and by taking the time to understand the root cause of my loneliness, I can experiment with different strategies to address it.

I've learned that it's essential to make time for myself and allow myself to slow down. When I'm constantly on the go, I tend to lose touch with my emotions and become disconnected from the world around me. It's only when I slow down and allow myself to feel my emotions that I can truly connect with others and with myself.

Because my capacity to feel joy is only limited by my capacity to feel pain. The more I’m able to slow down and stay with difficult emotions, the more I can feel the full range of emotions including all the fun ones!

Keeping busy may seem like a quick fix for loneliness or any other difficult emotion. Instead of busying our way out of challenging emotions, we can learn to slow down and be present with them, allowing us to gain valuable insights and make more intentional choices.

Next time you feel lonely, I encourage you to slow down and embrace it as an opportunity to know yourself better. Instead of busying your way out of it, take the time to notice how it feels in your body, what impulses it creates, and what needs it is pointing to. All emotions are data, and they can help us make more informed choices about how we live our lives.

As always, I'd love to hear your thoughts and experiences on this topic, so please feel free to share in the comments below.