The Antidote to Perfectionism is Wholeness
Perfectionism is often a humble-brag. The answer to that awkward interview question "what's your biggest weakness?"
For a long time, I clung to perfectionism like a woman drowning in a sea of my own self-doubt.
Perfectionism has been my safety blanket. It's been the way I create my identity, my worth, my right to be in this world. It's driven me to achieve and strive for success - or so I thought.
Over the last couple of years, as I've come back home to my body, I've come to realise that perfectionism is actually "self-abuse of the highest order”, in the words of Anne Wilson Schaef.
Perfectionism is born in fear. "Fear of making a mistake. Fear of disappointing others. Fear of failure. Fear of success.”, to quote Michael Law. Fear of being myself. Fear of not being enough. Fear of being too much.
Perfectionism is dressed up as a deep love for drive and ambition. It masquerades as being conscientious, thorough and careful.
“Perfectionism is a dream killer, because it’s just fear disguised as trying to do your best. It just is. ”
Perfectionism is toxic.
Perfectionism has eroded my trust in myself. A perfectionist cannot be in relationship with their own body and their own experience because that body, that experience is inherently imperfect. And so we harden, we constrict, we move into our heads and try and think our way through every possible scenario in a desperate and never-ending search for the right answer.
The antidote to perfectionism is wholeness.
Wholeness - noun:
the condition of being sound in body
the quality or state of being without restriction, exception, or qualification
the state of forming a complete and harmonious whole; unity
the state of being unbroken or undamaged
Wholeness is the ability to be authentic. Wholeness is understanding my body's needs, desires and wisdom. Wholeness is feeling and responding to my rhythms. It's feeling my feelings and not being overwhelmed by them.
Wholeness is an invitation to come home to ourselves.
When we allow ourselves to receive all the sensory and emotional information in our bodies, we create the space to make conscious choices about what we do next. Rather than reacting, we can choose our response. Nothing is ever to fix, shift or change - simply notice. We stop resisting the flow of life within us and we can be present with what is.
To my deep relief and utter surprise, wholeness stills allow me to get things done in the world. I did not end up small, weak, or unable to take action. Quite the opposite. Without the constant self-bullying, my mind is becoming more creative. Without the tension and tightness in my body, I feel free - I feel more in all sense of that word.
Wholeness opens more possibilities of succeeding because I stopped fighting myself along the way.
Wholeness is a radical act. A gentle revolution in a world that profits from our self-doubt.