Should You Always Be Happy?

"There is no path to happiness: happiness is the path." ~Gautama Buddha

Happiness. It's a word we hear constantly, a feeling we chase. But what if the constant pursuit of happiness isn't the key to a fulfilling life?

I met someone recently who told me their personal philosophy: "be happy, no matter what."

While it might sound appealing on the surface, it sparked a sense of resistance in me. It felt at odds with how I experience the world and my desire to experience the full spectrum of human emotions.

Some schools of thought will have you believe that there is a hierarchy of emotions, placing happiness on a pedestal above sadness, anger, or other emotions. You know the type - high vibes only! But when we prioritise happiness and other so-called "positive" emotions and push away the others, it can create resistance. This resistance, much like the "second arrow" in Buddhist teachings, amplifies the initial experience and leads to greater suffering.

Constant positivity can leave us at risk of spiritual bypassing - a tendency to avoid difficult emotions and focus solely on the light.

Think of it like this: Imagine stubbing your toe. It hurts, right? Ignoring the pain won't make it go away. In fact, it might make you stumble and fall. Similarly, ignoring difficult emotions can hinder our ability to learn and grow from challenging experiences.

It's not an easy way to learn but sitting with a lot of uncomfortable feelings has opened up important insights and clarity for me in recent months. Putting pressure on myself to be happy when I wasn't would have stopped me getting curious about what was driving my dissatisfaction and I now wouldn't be plotting exciting new adventures to feel more fulfilled.

So, if not "be happy, no matter what," what could be a more helpful mantra? If I had to pick one way of being that I would like to default to, it might be to be kind, no matter what. I want to show kindness, to myself, to others, and to the world around me because it allows me to acknowledge hardship while fostering compassion and understanding. It's compassion that helps create space for all the feelings and for agency.

I'm not beating up on happiness. I love feeling happy and it's not always how I want to be. The world is full of insurmountable problems. We need to feel the grief, the pain, and the anger to both come to acceptance and mobilise us into action.

Life isn't a bumper sticker slogan. There's no one-size-fits-all approach to a meaningful life. Life is a rich tapestry woven with a multitude of emotions. There's joy, love, excitement, but also sadness, anger, and frustration. These emotions, all of them, contribute to a full human experience. By embracing the full spectrum of emotions and prioritizing compassion, we can navigate life's complexities with greater authenticity and resilience.

What are your thoughts? Are you a "be happy no matter what" person? What are your guiding principles? Share your thoughts below.