Beyond "Imposter Syndrome"

"The first step is to say, 'I am an impostor.' I have written 11 books, but each time I think, 'Uh-oh, they're going to find out now. I've run a game on everybody, and they're going to find me out.'" ~ Maya Angelou

Have you ever felt that nagging sense of being a fraud, the fear of being exposed for not being as good as you claim to be?

It's a common sentiment often labelled as "imposter syndrome," but today, let's peel back the layers and explore whether it might be something more nuanced. Particularly for recovering perfectionists like myself, I've come to realise that the term "imposter syndrome" might just be scratching the surface and covering up some important distinctions.

Unmasking Unrealistic Expectations

For many recovering perfectionists, the struggle lies in setting unrealistic expectations. No matter how accomplished we are, it never feels like it's good enough. We set impossibly high bars for ourselves – a PhD, five books, a successful podcast – and inevitably fall short. Even those who seemingly have it all may still grapple with this sense of inadequacy. The fear of being discovered as an imposter creeps in when we don't meet these lofty standards.

So, the first step is to interrogate the expectations you set for yourself. Are you setting yourself up for feelings of inadequacy by demanding unattainable perfection?

The Healthy Questioning of Expertise

Imposter syndrome sometimes might in fact be a healthy questioning of our own expertise. It's a genuine self-reflection, asking whether we are truly skilled or experienced enough for the roles we undertake.

I recall questioning my ability to mentor and provide training in facilitation skills before running my first mentoring group. There was an initial wave of "who am I to even think I could do this?" But when that ebbed, it felt like a healthy inquiry to be - am I ready to do this? I didn't try to answer this alone - I've learned that I'm a pretty terrible judge of my own abilities. So I reached out to my mentors, teachers and supervisors for their guidance. Hearing their reflections helped me feel confident in saying yes and I'm so glad I did - my mentoring programme is one of the things I enjoy most.

Asking yourself if you're qualified or experienced enough for a task can be a healthy exercise. It's not about undermining your abilities but acknowledging areas where improvement might be needed. It's not impostor syndrome to admit when you need to reskill or upskill. This acknowledgement can be deeply empowering.

Instead of feeling passive and on the verge of being exposed, we take control. We become active agents in our own growth, clarifying expectations and identifying tangible steps to enhance our skills. Of course, you can go too far the other way and assume you always need another certification.

Embracing Equanimity

It's a delicate balance, where we assess our skills against realistic expectations and have the courage to admit when we're ready and when we're not. It requires embracing both dignity and humility: the dignity to recognise your skills, acknowledge your accomplishments, and set realistic expectations for yourself; and the humility to accept that there is always something more to learn. Equanimity is holding both as true at the same time.

Recovering perfectionists tend to oscillate between collapse and overcompensating through posturing, both of which have elements of imposter syndrome. However, by embracing equanimity, we find a space where we acknowledge our skills, actively work towards improvement, and accept that we're on a continuous journey of development.

Being a recovering perfectionist means being able to access your dignity and humility with more grace. It means moving out of the binary thinking of posture and collapse and embracing all the nuance in between.

Do you resonate with the struggle between collapse and overcompensation? How do you bring yourself into equanimity, acknowledging your skills, setting realistic expectations, and embracing humility in your journey of continuous growth? Share your thoughts and reflections in the comments below